The Gender Tourist

This week I'm vacationing in a city a long ways from home. I plan to move here eventually; and as I was going to a local grocery store for a couple odds and ends for the hotel room fridge, I had a thought run through my mind - "I wonder how friendly the people are here?" and so I made a mental note pay attention also, to the fact that there is a lot more to gauging a place where I might want to live than just location, weather and affordability. I admit I was a tiny bit apprehensive as I walked into this store as all Allie - not knowing if I would be noticed, outed, engaged or otherwise. So it was really appreciated when I saw that my cashier was wearing a rainbow striped mickey mouse pin of support, and smiled a genuine smile as I said hi and answered their "How are you?" politeness with a mini account of my 1000 mile journey. They were Kind and genuinely friendly and I felt comfortable and accepted and not judged i...

I woke this morning feeling a bit melancholy for a couple of reasons. I don't know why exactly, but for some reason I was mourning the distance between my daughter and I. This distance, both physical (nearly 400 miles) and emotional - have been on my mind a lot lately and I'm not sure if it's just an empty nest feeling, or if its more than that. I don't think it's related to my transition, mostly because we haven't actually discussed that yet (although I do want to talk to her about it soon) - and I have given her cause for suspicions over the past years. (Ironically it was she that pointed out, while looking at a photo of me at age 10  "Gee dad, you were metro-sexual even back then"). Her observation a few years back was part of the catalyst that helped me towards  verum tuae sui - my current intention of self-truth and affirmation. Anyhow, we used to be really close and talk at least weekly in long phone calls. And now we rarely do; and when ...

After reading what I wrote last time, I actually thought about deleting it, because it made me feel silly that I would express such a notion...  But that wouldn't be very honest, to filter myself that way, would it? Besides, I felt what I felt, and thought what I thought, and so what if its a bit daft. It's all me, and helps to illustrate the maelstrom of confusion that is ... this hot mess that I am :o) With that off my chest, I am excited tonight because tomorrow I have a hair appointment; which is cool not only because I have a great stylist and I will get a new awesome do, but also because I am completely out to her and I can be me.  Plus, as a bonus I am hoping to speak to one of the estheticians about some makeup tips and such, to cover the shadow left after I shave. It should be a good day even if it is going to be raining.