I participated in a kink event this weekend, where there were no expectations and no agendas. Just to have fun at a friends birthday party which was held at a semi-local dungeon.  I attended with my Themme and we made it a date night where she made a special effort to feature me in her affectionate displays (as my "date"), and also she performed as a top in a scene with me; mostly for my pleasure as opposed to taking pleasure in what I have to offer her as a submissive. In the past this has served us somewhat well, because she was starting out as a top/domme and I was looking for every opportunity to find value to her, in order to also feel it within myself (due to my HUGE self worth issues which I can't seem to overcome) Ours was a symbiotic relationship where we had mutual value to each other. This time was different though. I learned that I no longer bring value to a scene as her sub; In fact I no longer bring value to anyone  as a sub. Nobody cared to even watch what ...

I thought at one time, she didn't want me here because I cramped her style. Now I realize she's been protecting me from people who really don't care about me or my wants, needs, feelings. At a private play party and everyone watched the birthday girl get her spankings.  Then 10 minutes later I do my scene and not a single person comes back into the room to watch. The tears begin streaming almost as soon as the lash has fallen. Do you know how it feels to have a scene, and having exhibitionism being one of the major components of your pleasure from the scene, and literally Noone shows up? I feel so irrelevant. As if I might as well not have been here at all. Would anyone really care Would anyone really notice?  My partner cares, but now I understand why it's just easier for her if I'm not around. She doesn't have to insulate me from reality I'm not a pain slut and a service bottom does not serve the sadist in her What's the point of being here? What's...