Invisibility
Ive recently been attempting to understand a change thats happened to me over the past couple years and hope that these thoughts will help me to sort out whats's real, whats's purely emotional, and what I need to do to recover the strength and ferocity in my self esteem. Going back to 2018 I was on my way with transition and had just started hormones as of Feb 1. I had been spending a lot of time in group and finally gave myself permission to love myself again. and I recall that over time there began a profound loneliness growing inside of me also. I really wanted to spend time doing things with my wife but she had started slowing down and was less and less active outdoors. I began going to the beach a lot, swimming when I could. About twice a week I would go body surfing. And it was lonely to have all this energy, and want to be in the world and seen; and not have anyone to share it with. I began to wonder if I would ever find someone who cares