The Gender Tourist

Transit of blue moon Sisters we, living fiercely Tonight, all are light

The title is only relevant if you account that this post has gone unpublished since June 29th 2020. I was thinking about crushes, and love, and sexuality and self image and all the stuff that packs in alongside all of that. "151 days" describes a brief bit of my history. It happened, it happened exactly as I wrote it (to the limits of memory at least) and before final publication I had the woman from the story read through, comment, and ultimately give her consent for it to be published. The only caveat was she asked me to scrub her name from the original draft. the story didn't end there, obviously. In some ways I think pouring my heart out in such a beautiful way may have changed the outcome. Today, ours is an ongoing and very fluid relationship; where we range from purely platonic daily  conversations on one end of the spectrum; through discussing extremely intimate physical and emotional details of our other relationships; and ultimately having a wonderfully e

now, bound from the sun the sungrazer, she could see there are so many stars

When as a Sungrazer, The one that brings you the greatest light and joy Also could crush your soul Like a black hole ...and you dance the celestial dance... ----- watching the other sungrazers and trying to smile happy for the sun but secretly hoping they will burn

November 20, 2019 was basically a funeral. It was at a somber ceremony for transgender day of remembrance where I met her in person for the very first time, and I believe we hit it off much like I do with everyone. I do try to put new siblings at ease when I know they're new to our area and need to find some comfort in the face of a friend and ally. It was a very cold evening; and seeing her in a short pastel blue skater dress and spike heels I knew that (besides looking stunningly gorgeous), this amazon woman would be absolutely freezing by the end of the event. I remember wishing that I had brought an extra cardigan in my car for her to wrap, because it was so chilly - and she would not take the one I wore when I offered it. After learning she was from the desert and who she was, I was  especially  excited to meet her though; Because I already knew OF her; with sis having told us already during a group meeting. I remember when I first heard about this particular woman

There's a popular GIF that I see often, showing a blank anguished face awash in the sea being overrun by waves... And the caption is "feels" I've used this one meany times in the few years I have been transitioning; and TBH I thought I was pretty familiar with the concept. I thought I had a handle on the emotions that naturally come with HRT and ultimately accessing the full range of my emotional response capacity. I was wrong. The metaphor is an apt one though, we paddle about in our shore break of emotion, never really knowing the immensity of what could  be in store for us in the form of a rogue wave, or living during the only pandemic in one's lifetime, ... or, I don't know ... perhaps instead its more like this: (Cut to) "There is a place within a long day's travel of my home - called the Cortes Bank. It is fairly regarded as producing the largest waves ever reliably seen, and yes  ACTUALLY SURFED by man, on this planet.&qu

I will not apologize  for falling in love I know it hurts you to be constrained By promises made before  I knew... Before I owned my truth. I am beautiful, and I am human, and I Love Fiercely  And completely And without expectation, for  The gift is it's own reward The ecstacy of pain I feel is both glorious And unbearable.  But also unstoppable and pure,  life itself and without Heartache There might be no euphoria. I will not apologize                                      for loving you