I'm not worthy
And I mean that literally; to be acquainted, to be identified the same with peers of such pure intention within the trans community - I feel like I should do more. Should be more - than I am now.
In the past three days I have read incredibly moving prose from two friends - one anguished and haunted and struggling,
And then more recently one filled with positivity and light and hope in the face of and responding to judgement.
I'm not worthy.
Both writings move me - to be better, to do more than I am now.
I feel so very selfish suddenly; having all my fun being the "tourist" when these women are living it every day at whatever the cost. And struggling while they forge on against adversity.
And a third friend literally giving all of herself, her time, her resources to help yet another young woman going all-in; in this struggle for identity. I gave to their cause but merely a pittance (due to a legitimate circumstance); but I still feel selfish not giving more.
I'm not worthy.
Two of these friends are young enough to be my children yet they are each teaching me life lessons through their experiences and willingness to be vulnerable to achieve their goals.
The third is modeling the altruism that I feel I should demonstrate in my own life.
Multitudes of others I know also do much to aid the cause, the community.
Yet here I am still living only to the pleasures of others close to me, barely risking and fairly cowering in the shadows except when I am away.
I'm not worthy.
Once we had a group discussion about what does home mean to you?
I forget my answer from that night, but today Home is anywhere but here.
yet here I am.
Once someone asked me what my greatest fear was about transitioning and I answered that I'll stop. But now that I have thought longer on it, My fear is that the community will reject me...
And I'm not worthy.
In the past three days I have read incredibly moving prose from two friends - one anguished and haunted and struggling,
And then more recently one filled with positivity and light and hope in the face of and responding to judgement.
I'm not worthy.
Both writings move me - to be better, to do more than I am now.
I feel so very selfish suddenly; having all my fun being the "tourist" when these women are living it every day at whatever the cost. And struggling while they forge on against adversity.
And a third friend literally giving all of herself, her time, her resources to help yet another young woman going all-in; in this struggle for identity. I gave to their cause but merely a pittance (due to a legitimate circumstance); but I still feel selfish not giving more.
I'm not worthy.
Two of these friends are young enough to be my children yet they are each teaching me life lessons through their experiences and willingness to be vulnerable to achieve their goals.
The third is modeling the altruism that I feel I should demonstrate in my own life.
Multitudes of others I know also do much to aid the cause, the community.
Yet here I am still living only to the pleasures of others close to me, barely risking and fairly cowering in the shadows except when I am away.
I'm not worthy.
Once we had a group discussion about what does home mean to you?
I forget my answer from that night, but today Home is anywhere but here.
yet here I am.
Once someone asked me what my greatest fear was about transitioning and I answered that I'll stop. But now that I have thought longer on it, My fear is that the community will reject me...
And I'm not worthy.
You are worthy, this here is our invisible enemy imposter syndrome. It's not real we only think that it is real. This is our blind spot. You are worthy that worthiness is the light that shine.
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