My reflection (in the eyes of the casual observer)

The strange thing is that for countless years I hid, and avoided showing any sign of my true self, for fear of judgement by people I didn't even know. I assumed that I would of course be pegged as a deviant and perhaps even worse.

Then once I began to let Allie out for real in tourist mode where I don't really concern myself about what the consequences might be; and then began to pay attention to what was reflected back to me by the people I would meet - I realized something incredible and unexpected taking place.

For context consider this; I believe that in all of us - our "instincts" are often reading signals that others are unknowingly broadcasting. (Have you ever been staring at someone and had them turn around and stare you right in the eye?)

So given that concept, I know that as a closeted trans woman presenting male I used to broadcast fear, and deception, and uncertainty, and I know that on some level everyone I interacted with could feel it; actually perceive it subconsciously, and that feeling of deception colored all of the relationships I have ever had on very subtle levels - especially with people I was merely acquainted with; and not close to.

But now when I walk down the street as Allie - and even though I have no illusions that even on my very best days I am more often than not clocked as a transitioning individual - usually what I see in the eyes of people I meet is support, and appreciation, and sometimes curiosity.
The thing I see least often is the judgement that I used to fear.

I believe this is because most people accept that "we" exist and are a credible demographic, and also understand that it is at great cost to ourselves that we would do this - and hence they believe that we are choosing the higher ground, and making positive changes for ourselves, and by extension those positive changes will make the world a better place for everyone.

I have heard this simplified in the advice I hear from peers "Just believe that you own the situation you're in; and everyone will see your confidence and accept you without a second thought"

So now I think understand the parapsychology behind that advice...

And then through further reflection of that phenomenon I realized that when I present male and am seen as male, (doing the 'safe thing' in my mind) I am on an instinctive level seen first as a potential competitor and adversary to other men I interact with, and am instinctively a potential predator and threat to most of the women due to our current cultural norms.

Hence by being authentic and obviously trying to do better for myself and becoming vulnerable, I am now closer to and more accepted by society as a whole, than I was when I was "conforming to expectations" and hiding my great secret.

In other words Its great to be the real me 😊