Allie the caregiver

I haven't had much time to write lately because I've been taking care of my wife following a major orthopedic surgery. For the past 3 weeks I have been preparing our home, at the hospital, and then staying home to help her during recovery.

One of the things I've learned is that filling this caregiver role is a lot of work! I didn't expect it to be as physically taxing as it has been. I'm fairly exhausted and literally needed to get another epidural injection of my own to be able to do it - but as she gets better and has fewer needs, I am getting a little more rested too. And the absolute best news is that her procedure was successful and she is recovering nicely. I could not have hoped for better than that.

The on-topic reason I am writing this blog entry however is that there has been a silver lining on a more personal level. I have spent the past 22 days living almost exclusively as Allie throughout the experience. It has been a joy to present myself as she, confidently and without concern as we have navigated this together.

I hadn't actually realized how valuable and self-affirming this period has been until I prepared to go to the office today. It was difficult to force myself back into the male facade so as to meet the expectations of my coworkers. In fact as I selected a collared dress shirt, I literally couldn't bring myself to put it on; instead opting for a tee shirt and jeans.

I have another week to 10 days of leave before I must return to full time. I have a lot of reflecting to do on this topic. Its unfortunate that I still must weigh the potential catastrophic repercussions of coming out at work, against the need to maintain health coverage without interruption at least for the immediate future in order to ensure facilitating all of the needs of post-op rehabilitation.