I am such a jellyfish

So for about a week  have been sporting this temporary body art on my right forearm:



and I have been exuberant that I am literally wearing the words of my heart on my sleeve so to speak. I was proud to show it off at Ventura PRIDE, and around the hotel, and everywhere else I went. I got a few comments on it and a few even said they liked it enough to get one themselves.

I believe the sentiment, I really do; and I have felt like I am living up to it - or was, until today.

So at work, around my homo-and-transphobic, sexist, bigoted, and otherwise abusive boss, I have covered it for the past 3 days with long sleeves (which felt like a cop-out in the first place as I talk about being brave and bold and all). But today I washed my hands and forgot to put my sleeves back down before going back into the office.

"That's a mighty interesting choice of words for your tat, there" he said.
I was of course shocked by my error and the inquisitive statement.
I had to think fast; and and in the spontaneity of the moment I forgot I have a spine, and quickly played it off on my wife's recovery.
"Oh yeah Its temporary" I said matter of factly.
"An inspirational quote I think might help (her) to keep at the physical therapy a little harder."

Freaking totally and completely sold out my own heart's desire by deflecting the implications to her so I wouldn't be clocked by Him.

I feel kind of disgusted with myself right now.
I know the survival instincts made me do it; we need the insurance benefits at least through the end of the year. But excuses are excuses and I lied though omission, and I threw away the opportunity I've been pondering hopefully about for quite some time.

I guess that's all; I needed to vent this, get the poison out of me so I can move on and get back to loving my imperfect self.

:-|